The Adventures of Chevron Guy
by BlueJello86
Summary: Ever wanted to know more about the mysterious and handsome guy who engages the chevrons? Well read on...(CHAPTER 4 NOW UP)
1. Suprise!

The Adventures of Chevron Guy: The Surprise Party  
  
Author note: This is a small window into the life of Chevron guy from Stargate, I will try and add more chapters so we can find out more about his fascinating existence.  
  
All: 'SURPRISE!'  
  
Me: 'Oh guys! You shouldn't have'(This wasn't some vague attempt at modesty, the last thing I wanted to do was eat some of Major Carters foul Carrot Cake. you could actually see the carrots, ah well maybe this year she won't have made one.)  
  
Sam: 'We made you a cake!'  
  
Me: 'Oh.thank you, oooh carrot how. delightful' (to add insult to injury the cake is shaped and decorated like a chevron - why does everyone think I'm obsessed with chevrons? It's just a small part of a very important job I do. oh God now they're singing)  
  
All: 'Happy birthday to you'  
  
All: 'Happy birthday to you'  
  
All: 'Happy birthday toooooo...'  
  
Daniel: 'Norman'  
  
Jack: 'Walter'  
  
Teal'c: 'Airman'  
  
Sam: 'Chevron Guy'  
  
All: 'Happy birthday to yooooou'  
  
(Oh brother)  
  
The End  
  
If you want more adventures of Chevron guy review and I will provide, and next time I will endeavour to make them slightly longer, who knows maybe even a bit of romance for our favourite hero 


	2. Love Machine

The Adventures of Chevron Guy: Love Machine  
  
Major Carter: 'Airman have you seen General Hammond?'  
  
Me: No Mam, but I think he may be in the infirmary (she is SO checking me out, lucky I wore sexy new blue shirt today and my tight black trousers that make my butt look irresistible. the ladies love it)  
  
Major Carter: Ah right, well could you help me with something while you're here?  
  
Me: Anything for you sweet cheeks (CRAP, I can't believe I just said that, I meant to think it. Quick think of some brilliant cover up, or maybe she didn't notice.)  
  
Major Carter: Excuse me? (I guessed she noticed)  
  
Me: You're excused (way to go get yourself fired)  
  
Major Carter: What did you say before?  
  
Me: I didn't say anything (that's it, make it look like she's the one with the problem - hearing things, crazy lady)  
  
Major Carter: Ok. Well could you just bring up the data on this gate address?  
  
Me: (Sure thing Sweet Cheeks - that time I manage just to think it (I'm not suicidal)). Yes Mam. (God MC is HOT when she's mad. and when she smiles. and when she breathes. ok pull yourself together - this may be the only chance you get to impress her with your vast intelligence) I engage the chevrons (and then I smile like a goon--- way to go dumbarse)  
  
Major Carter: That's. nice, must be a errr challenging job  
  
Me: Oh it is (wait is she mocking me? She better not be mocking me! I don't like to be mocked! Nothing makes a Chevron guy madder than someone mocking his chevron encoding skills... no no this is MC she's nice she would never mock anyone, she must be genuinely interested --my chances are looking up)  
  
Colonel O'Neill: Hey Carter, Airman (Oh bugger not him. stupid, arrogant, thinks he's so great just because he's Colonel, please like its that hard)  
  
Me: Sir (I manage to give a respectful nod)  
  
Colonel O'Neill: So Carter what are you up to? (Is he hitting on her? He's hitting on my chick. I don't believe it. Not that MC and me are involved but the attraction is blatant. Well her attraction to me is - I on the other hand am far more subtle)  
  
Major Carter: We were just looking up some information on P3X259 (We were? Oh yeah I'd better actually do that)  
  
Colonel O'Neill: Sounds like fun  
  
Me: Yeah its great (he's just jealous because she's spending time with me, everyone knows she won't give him the time of day. loser)  
  
Colonel O'Neill: Carter you wana grab some breakfast?  
  
Major Carter: Sure Sir (she turns to me) can you finish doing this and I'll meet up with you later  
  
Me: Yes Mam (Oh she's saying meet up to talk chevrons but we both know what she really means - Sorry Colonel but MC is mine)  
  
Major Carter: Ok, see you later  
  
Me: Sure thing toots (though I waited for her to get out of hearing distance before adding 'toots'. ah life is good, MC wants me and as long as I don't have to eat any of her carrot cake I'll settle for being her boyfriend)  
  
The End  
  
Authors Note: Ok can you image what 'MC' would do to anyone who called her 'toots'? BAMM a punch in the nose. Realised while writing this that Colonel O'Neill initialled is CO just like 'commanding officer' - how exciting. Anyway I know this wasn't a proper romance for CG and I will give him one, I just wanted to show how smooth he is with the ladies. Please make my day and Review, toodles 


	3. Another day at the Office

The Adventures of Chevron Guy: Just another day at the office  
  
Authors note: Thanks for your feedback guys!! Glad to see you appreciate the amazingness of Chevron guy. For those of you who commented on his name. It is actually 'Walter Davis' but he has also been seen with the name badge 'Norman Davis. Apparently his actor 'Gary Jones' doesn't even know what his actual name is! There is also another 'chevron encoding man' called 'Simmons' but he's not the star of this particular story. The Chevron Guy I'm referring to is the one with the glasses and blond hair. 'Siler' has also been mentioned, while he is involved with chevron type things he doesn't engage them. Anyway ever wondered whats going on in Chevron Guy's head when he says 'chevron six encoded'? No probably not. well I have coz my life's just that interesting.  
  
Me: Chevron one encoded (here we go again. I can't believe I'm part of the biggest project in the history of Earth and my most important job is. this. People actually think I'm only interested in chevrons - it is SO annoying (although it was interesting to watch General Hammond try to mime a chevron that time we played Charades.))  
  
Me: Chevron two encoded (General Hammond is standing right behind me. watching the screen, what doesn't he trust me to say the right number? Afraid I might say 'chevron four' instead of 'chevron three'?)  
  
Me: Chevron. three encoded (Ok I admit I was reeeeeeally tempted but I chickened out at the last second.hmm I wonder what he would have said. 'Excuse me Airman but I believe you've forgotten how to count' shove it fatso)  
  
Me: Chevron four engaged (thought I'd add a bit of variety)  
  
Hammond: Airman?  
  
Me: (in my innocent-as-an-angel voice) Yes Sir?  
  
Hammond: Please stick to the proper countdown, we don't want to confuse things  
  
Me: Yes Sir (Oh please how could that confuse things?)  
  
Hammond: And stop fluttering your eyelashes at me (dammit that was part of my innocent-as-an-angel routine)  
  
Me: Chevron . errr five ENCODED (I say the last word extra loud for good measure so he can't accuse me of anything, he never lets us have any fun round here. I wonder if he notice that little pause when I nearly forgot what number I was doing, I hope he didn't he'd probably give this job to someone else. like Simmons. Grrr I hate that guy - sometimes he gets to engage the chevrons and then boy do I get jealous. Once I slipped laxatives into his coffee so he had to rush out in the middle of 'chevron six' it was hilarious! - Well I laughed and Hammond frowned but I could tell he was laughing inside)  
  
Me: Chevron six encoded (hehe I said this one in a French accent which was quite exciting. I'm considering doing the next one in my best Teal'c impression. hmm have just tried cocking head and raising eyebrow but its actually impossible (it achieved me a few odd looks from General Hammond though) so I think I'll give that idea a miss. Hmmm the last chevron is taking agggggges to encode, it always does, I think its to increase the suspense or something, hehe bet I can make Georgie Porgie panic.)  
  
Me: Sir! Sir! Hammond: Airman what's wrong!? Me: It's chevron seven sir! It's. it's.. Georgey: What!? What!? Me: Encoded sir, just thought you'd like to know (mwahahaha, I'm going to get in trouble for that but it was worth it just to see Georgey run and that big bald head of his turn red. hehe)  
  
The End  
  
Author note: Thanks for reading, please hit the 'review' button to show your support for Chevron Guy. Sorry this one wasn't very long I'm in the middle of writing my first ever serious fanfic which is quite a challenge. If anyone out there is interested in beta reading it for me (checking I got rid of all the references to G. Hammond's rear end etc.) then send me an email (its an S/J story). Till next time. toodles! 


	4. A Jolly Holiday

The Adventures of Chevron Guy: A Jolly Holiday  
  
A/N: Sorry this one taken a little while been busy writing my serious fic. Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last one!! Hope you like this one as much. (  
  
Me: (!!!!!!!!!! I'm going to go through the stargate!!! I've been here 7 years and finally they're going to let me go through. I've asked before but Georgey's always making excuses 'When you're older', 'when you stop putting super-glue on Simmon's chair (he started it)', 'when you stop stalking Major Carter (I still maintain that she followed me into the women's changing room)' anyway the excuses are endless. But now he's decided that everyone on the base should have to go through it at least once in case of an emergency evacuation, so lucky lucky me gets to go through the gate with SG1 (mmmm MC). We drew lots from a hat to see which team we get to go with but I reckon MC rigged it so we could be together)  
  
Hammond: Airman have you prepared everything for gate travel in an hour? You will be there for a day so make sure you have everything you need.  
  
Me: Yes Sir (Oh crap I need to pack!)  
  
Colonel'General-Hammond's-favourite'O'Neill: All ready to go Airman? (He gives this stupid smug 'look at me I'm a Colonel' smile)  
  
Me: Yes Sir (Bite me. I shoot a seductive look at MC but she's busy fiddling with her backpack. ah well sure we will have plenty of times to be 'alone')  
  
Colonel'keeps-eyeing-up-my-chick'O'Neill: Let go (he steps through the stargate)  
  
MC: Come on Airman (I stand by the big blue shimmering opening, and for a second I actually think I'm going to wet myself (no please not again and not in front of MC). This is the closest I've ever been to the stargate when it's activated and its soooo scary. Now I like to think I'm a pretty hard man, I was nicknamed 'the brave one' out of the Chevron encoding team because I stole Georgey's sandwich (you should have heard him roar) but this is a joke, there is no way I'm stepping through that)  
  
Me: Erm. Major  
  
MC: Come on, its easy (she flashes me a killer smile and steps through. well if she's going then I'm sure as hell not gona leave her alone with Colonel'Cant-keep-his-hands-to-himself'O'Neill. Ok deep breath. )  
  
Me: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW (I'm gona die, I'm gona die, I'm gona die) ARGHHHHH!!! (And I hit the floor with a giant THWACK!)  
  
Teal'c: Are you ok Chevron Man? (He offers me a hand, I consider yelling 'I have a name! But decided it was unwise to anger a Jaffa)  
  
Daniel Jackson: Jack I'm just going to go check out those stone symbols we saw on our last trip (he is such a geek, I was slightly worried he might try to steal my woman but now I see there's no way anyone would like stupid rock boy)  
  
Me: Pah! Rocks! (I'm so cool, I'm even wearing my hat backwards, the epitome of coolness, unlike Daniel with his hankie on his head. like that's still cool)  
  
Colonel'there's-not-a-brown-hair-on-my-head'O'Neill: Ok, We'll move on to the Beta site and check in with the guys there  
  
Me: Major Carter do you think we should hold hands so we don't get lost? (She can be my travel buddy)  
  
MC: I don't think that will be necessary Airman (but you can tell she wants it)  
  
Me: Ah I understand, we don't want HIM to get jealous (I give her a wink, but she just walks away. I love girls who play hard to get. I decided to stay quite while we walked out of the cave and toward a clearing)  
  
Colonel'I-use-sarcasm-as-a-defence-mechanism'O'Neill: Ok Carter, this spot good enough for you?  
  
MC: Yes Sir, it looks perfect, I'll get started right away (she's using some complicated instrument and sticking it into the ground and taking readings. She looks really hot when she's concentrating)  
  
Me: What are you doing?  
  
MC: Taking some soil samples to check whether this planet will be suitable to re-home the people of P3X234  
  
Me: I see (Soil sample?!?!?!? What the hell is that! SG1 are supposed to do the top important stuff and now they're taking soil samples! Oh yeah because that's really going important. Why don't they give that job to some incompetent group like SG12 rather than wasting the talents of MC, Daniel and Teal'c! When are we actually going to see some action?) Erm. when are we going to fight some bad guys? (Lame I know but this is SG1 something always happens to them even on routine missions)  
  
MC: Afraid not going to be any bad guys on this trip, maybe next time (she's patronising me, I can tell. I HATE it when people do that, just because she's on the SGC's flagship team and I only engage the chevrons doesn't mean I'm any less intelligent or brave than her!)  
  
KABOOM!!!!  
  
Me: Argh!!!!!!! (I admit it I ran and screamed like a girl)  
  
Colonel'I-secretly-fancy-nerdy-Daniel'O'Neill: Get down! (I'm way ahead of him, with reflexes as quick as a cat I'm curled up in a tight ball behind a rock)  
  
MC: It's a patrol of Jaffa sir!  
  
Colonel'Angrey-coz-he's-the-dense-one-in-SG1'O'Neill: How many can you see?  
  
MC: At least 10 and I think there are some more in the trees!  
  
Colonel'wearing-a-hat-makes-my-ears-stick-out'O'Neill: Ok, lets make a run for it back to the stargate  
  
MC: (to me) Ok Airman we're going to make a run to the stargate ok?  
  
Me: OK (I'm going to be sick - there are hundreds of them! I haven't been this scared since that Halloween trick Simmons played on me last year) Ahhhhhhhh!!!! (I don't know why, but it makes me feel better to scream my head off while running)  
  
MC: (into her Walkie-Talkie) Sir we made it  
  
Colonel'my-voice-is-too-deep-and-sexy'O'Neill: Me and Teal'c will be right there, Daniel there?  
  
MC: Yes Sir (He's still looking at rocks.. dork)  
  
Me: They're here (Colonel'grey-hair-is-NOT-distinguishing'O'Neill and Teal'c are standing at the opening of the cave where the stargate is keeping off the Jaffa, Daniel is dialling out) Chevron one encoded, Chevron two encoded, chevron three encoded.  
  
MC: Erm Airman this really isn't the time  
  
Me: But it helps me keep calm (Before I could carry on my chevron counting the Stargate 'wooshed' into action)  
  
Me: We made it! (All of us, stupid Colonel'doesn't-know-how-to-get-himself- killed'O'Neill. I think that's enough gate travel for me - far too terrifying. No I think I'd rather go back to engaging chevrons and working in the control room where the most exciting thing that happens is when Georgey thinks he's found a hair on his head.no one has the heart to tell him it's a shadow)  
  
The End  
  
A/N: Please let me know what you think about his latest adventure, any suggestions for new names for Colonel O'Neill are welcome! toodles 


End file.
